November 14, There has been some odd energy in my life lately. I have a difficult time with this sometimes.
I was moved and touched by the way that both complete strangers and dear friends stepped forward to support me and saddened by the way some people chose to shrink away, out of fear, confusion or not being sure what to say.
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So, after hearing from a dear friend who reminded me of a floral arrangement I sent after the death of her mother-in-law, it inspired me to tackle the idea of bereavement. As always, I welcome and wholeheartedly encourage you all to respond with your thoughts. These ideas are just suggestions and clearly some people will respond differently or want a different response.
When in doubt, make contact: People including me tend to feel scared of how to respond and assume that giving people space is the best tactic. I think making contact is different than demanding time or attention from someone dealing with a loss. Make your contact brief and leave the door open for further communication.
Private matters are best left private: I think very serious matters deserve a serious response. This is not the time for emoticons, abbreviations or YOLO dropping. When in doubt, send flowers: I was raised by parents that sent flowers for just about every occasion.
Engagements, birthdays, anniversaries, births, deaths — you name it, we send flowers for it. See how you can help: Without being pushy, try to see what your loved one most needs.
Do they need someone to help with meals? Someone to pick up the kids?
Or maybe just a shoulder to cry on? Ask what they need and give just that- no more and no less. After a death, some people want to stay indoors and mourn. Insisting your friend go for a jog and get outside to shake things off may be well-intentioned, but if they say that want a few days to grieve, listen to them.
One of the things that most frustrated me when I went through a divorce was the way people immediately launched into marriage advice based on their relationships. Without even asking what I was dealing with, they assumed my situation was exactly like theirs and they knew just what to do.
And if they choose to grieve in a way that seems different to you, let it be. A dear friend of mine lost her mother and chose to honor her with a meal of her favorite traditional dishes from South America.
Skip the meat and just be present for your friend and support them with your presence and listening. An initial out reach is great, but one of the saddest things that happens after a tough situation is the way people can forget and drop off quickly.
Mistakes happen and sometimes people panic when something bad happens to someone close to them. Whether it makes them worried about their own marriage or fear their own mortality, sometimes losses make people shy away from staying close to the people dealing with the loss.
How can I help? A heartfelt apology can solve a multitude of problems. And no one wants to pile the loss of a friend on top of another tragedy. I read a lot of rules in old etiquette books about who can and cannot contact someone after a death, etc.Breaking news and analysis from alphabetnyc.com Politics, world news, photos, video, tech reviews, health, science and entertainment news.
What helps me get through these tough times is nurturing myself. Whether it be a walk, a bubble bath or going to a coffee shop. Also to challenge myself. And the feeling of pride in accomplishing something difficult or new.
Although doing these things doesn’t change the situation or the emotional pain. What helps me get through these tough times is nurturing myself.
Whether it be a walk, a bubble bath or going to a coffee shop. Also to challenge myself. And the feeling of pride in accomplishing something difficult or new. Although doing these things doesn’t change the situation or the emotional pain.
Yellowcard, my life will forever be changed because of your music. I will never forget listening to Ocean Avenue for the first time on a drive with my family in the car to Salt Lake City as a 14 year old boy.
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